Accidents Happen
by Genuine-Discord
Summary: When Snape and Sirius start a contest of who can kiss Hermione first, things do not go as planned...  SLASH! Sev X Siri  R&R please! Oneshot! Sneaky!Hermione


"Severus? Can I speak with you for a moment?" Hermione asked, beckoning him over.

"You sure can…" Severus said, grinning at Sirius as he cleared the counter and walked over to the hallway Hermione was standing in.

"Sev, I know what you and Sirius are up to." Hermione said frankly.

"Uh…I don't know what you're talking about, I'm sur-"

"I want you to win."

"What?"

"I want you to win."

"Well, alright! And they said I was the loser!" Severus laughed incredulously. "So uh, let's get on with the dirty deed here, shall we?"

"No, no, no. We have to make this look natural." Hermione corrected, glancing around nervously. "Otherwise they'll think the kiss is a setup."

"Kiss? Oh, sweetheart, no, no, someone mislead you there. We're supposed to sleep together." Severus said slyly, leaning closer.

Hermione gently pushed him off. "You're trying my patience."

"A kiss, a kiss, alright." He muttered, looking somewhat crestfallen. "So, uh, how do you wanna do this?"

"Okay, so here's the plan. You go upstairs and freshen up, and I'll tell the others that I'm really beat, and I'll take a nap on the couch and you come and wake me. And I'll pretend I'm having this really, _erotic_ dream and give you this long, passionate kiss." Hermione said, grinning eagerly.

"Oh, God, I'm loving this, I'm loving it." Severus said, onyx eyes gleaming.

He turned to dash up the stairs, but whirled on his heel to face her. "Woah, woah, woah. Minerva's supposed to witness this."

"Okay, bring her along. And then I'll spit, and rinse my mouth out to make it look really realistic." She added.

"Nice touch. Nice touch…" Severus smirked, than sidled past her and into the kitchen.

He passed Sirius, and paused. "I'm going upstairs to wash up a little, 'kay? Oh, and what's that on your lips?" He leaned in closer, pretending to scrutinize the other's lips. "Right! No one!" With a laugh, Severus turned and strode briskly up the stairs.

Sirius sighed and glanced in the other direction, to see Hermione beckoning at him with a smile. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He swiftly walked over to her, joining her in the small hallway. "Sure.

She gently took his shoulder, smirking. "Listen, I know what you and Severus are up to, and I want _you_ to win…"

=ooOoo=

Severus bounded back down the stairs, black robes billowing. "Hey, Remus."

"Oh, hey, Sev." The werewolf responded, glancing up from the Daily Prophet.

"Where is everybody?" Severus asked, looking around the deserted kitchen.

"Eh, most of them have gone to bed, Sirius is out back, Hermione's asleep in the living room." Remus answered off-handedly.

"Hermione's asleep?"

"Yeah, she said she was up late last night doing a book report for Professor Flitwick." Remus replied. "Oh, she said she wanted me to wake her up right about now, so I better go do it…" The werewolf got to his feet and began the short walk to the living room.

"No, no, uh, that's my job." Severus darted over and cut Remus off, pursing his lips.

"'Kay." Remus shrugged and sat back down, returning to the newspaper.

"Wanna help me here, Minerva?" The potion's master asked, gesturing towards the door.

Minerva practically jumped out of her chair, swiftly following the taller man into the dark living room. Severus opened the door, they entered the dark room, and he closed it behind them. He made his way carefully around the furniture, and over to the couch where he knew Hermione was lying, ready to play her part.

There was the briefest rustle of fabric, and he pressed his lips against hers. Gently snaking his arm around her neck, she leaned into his kiss, swiping her tongue along his upper lip. He moaned softly, eyes slipping shut in his bliss.

She responded with a hoarse moan, almost in a deep, guttural growl. Severus' eyes snapped open. That was _not_ Hermione Granger's moan. She did _not_ growl at people.

"Mmm?" Severus inquired, still connected by the lips to the person on the couch below him.

The same deep voice answered. "Mmm?"

"MMRRM!" Severus yanked away as the lights snapped on, furiously wiping his lips.

Sirius jumped off the couch, sporting a disgusted glower. The pair swiftly backed away from each other, horrified.

The supposedly empty room came to life, the Weasleys, Harry, Tonks, Mad Eye, Dumbledore, Hermione, Draco, Minerva, and Remus as he entered the room, laughing at the disgusted pair as the lights turned on.

Fred and George began to sing teasingly, "Snape and Sirius, sitting in a tree," The rest of the room joined in, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" They all roared with laughter as Severus and Sirius shot death glares at everyone.

"You were supposed to be Hermione!" Sirius accused as the laughter died down slightly.

"Now, that was a damn rotten trick to pull, Herm." Severus ground out, onyx eyes flashing with barely contained rage.

"Don't talk to me about rotten, what's all this kissing nonsense?" She demanded.

"Now, that's different, there's money involved." Sirius grumbled.

"Well, I'm going to say this once, and once only. Listen up, you two. I am a person who cannot be used." Hermione said sternly, shooting pointed looks at the potion's master and Animagus. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go help with dinner."

With that, she strode out of the room, followed by everyone but Minerva and Remus. "Now, call me a romantic, but I always knew you two would end up together." Minerva said tauntingly, smirking as she exited the room, chuckling.

"I can't believe I kissed _you_." Severus snapped, voice loaded with venom.

"Yeah, you're lucky I don't punch your lights out!" Sirius snarled back.

"Oh, you and what army?" Severus growled, and the two rounded on each other, wands at the ready.

"Hey, hey!" Remus said firmly, jumping in between the two. "C'mon now, you were tricked. It's no big deal. I mean, you're such good friends, why don't you just kiss and make up?" The werewolf asked innocently.

"Alright, that's it!" Severus chucked a pillow at Remus as hard as he could, obsidian eyes flashing.

He missed, and Sirius caught it neatly, pegged it at his friend as Remus hurried out the door. "Remember, you both owe me a big wet one!" He called before dashing out of the room, shrieking with laughter.

Severus and Sirius scowled at each other for a few more moments before Hermione reentered the room and they hastily stowed their wands. "Oh, c'mon you guys, it was just a joke."

"Some joke." Sirius huffed.

"I can make it up to you!" The Gryffindor prefect said hopefully.

"And how, Ms. Granger, do you propose to do that?" Severus asked, crossing his arms.

"Like this." Without giving him a chance to respond, she crossed the room in three strides and pressed her lips against the potion master's.

Severus' eyes snapped open, and he let out a muffled noise of shock. Slowly, he melted and closed his eyes, winding his arms around the girl. When they broke apart, he was totally breathless, and she smirked. Then she quickly pecked him on the cheek and led him out the door.

"Dinner's almost ready, go sit." She said, pushing him out the door and leaving him to stumble into the kitchen.

Hermione turned back to Sirius, who was standing with a pout on his face. She smiled, then stepped closer and kissed him gently. The pout was replaced by a look of bliss, even though she pulled away faster and didn't kiss him in the cheek.

She grabbed his wrist and pulled him out the door, leading him to the kitchen where Severus was sitting, shell-shocked, in his chair. She pushed Black into a chair two seats down from Snape, so she could sit between them both.

Dumbledore smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "I see our two rivals look quite pleased." He noted as Molly Weasley began to serve dinner.

"More like shocked out of their wits…" Ron whispered loudly.

Severus and Sirius shared a glance, then broke out into huge grins. "Never washing my face again." Severus announced boldly, to the amusement of the others.

"I'm going to ditto that." Sirius said, and they shook hands around Lydia.

Peals of laughter rang out, and Hermione took one of their hands each. "All you guys have to do is ask!" She said cheerfully, glad to have gotten them back to a good mood.


End file.
